divinedorothy:

if white people be like “white people be like” but i’m white and i be like white people be like “white people be like” then who’s driving the car

x
r

villainery:

awwww-cute:

What can I get for you?

4 bottles of vodka and 2 packs of Marlboro reds

x
r
  • person:
    wow you drink so much water, you're so healthy!!
  • me:
    i cry so much i gotta stay hydrated
Warning Major Spoiler!

onesentencemusings:

bagelr:

image

Moment of silence for all the people who will never see this joke because they blocked the word ‘Spoiler’.

beeftony:

lindseybluth:

why are people on this damn website so obsessed with tea it’s fuckin leaf water

image

x
r
x
r

secretworld-observer:

kellyfromthecity:

The next person who makes a joke about my pole dancing and calls me a stripper, I’m going to show them this photo and say, “You may or may not take me seriously, but just know that I can probably crush your tiny little skull with my thigh muscles.”

There’s nothing I don’t love about this.

x
r

cupcakes-and-ouija-boards:

stephluvvsyou:

tigerhazard:

jamdoughnutmagician:

there is not one search term here that isn’t magical

i know ive reblogged this before at least twice but i decided to read through the entire thing this time and im in pain from how hard i am laughing please forgive me

did a ghost do my taxes. i’m scared of eating ribbons.

This may be the most hilarious list ever.

"am I old enough to walk"

sterekismydrugofchoice:

imagineyourotp:

Imagine your OTP lying next to each other in bed, staring at the ceiling, embarrassed and slightly alarmed by the wild, intense, filthy sex they just had.

image